Growing up gay in a small conservative town in Wisconsin, school was a nightmare. I was picked on, called names, and just felt...different. I was different. I was a gay overweight Indian. This was a town where it was expected for teen boys to fall into the conforming net of society. One was supposed to dress a certain way, gel their hair a certain way, listen to a certain kind of music, even watch specific TV shows. To extend a toe off of this path was to declare the right to be humiliated.
I didn't know it was okay to be gay because I didn't know any gay men. I didn't know anything other than the word "gay" associated with "sin" "Hell" "pervert" "child molester" "weird" "wrong" or "troubled". The connotation of "gay" was never a positive thing. I felt like I was doomed. More than that, I was blossoming into a young man with ideas and opinions, as one does at that age, and my homosexual identity was beginning to become more present. It was becoming harder to disguise myself, which meant that I was starting to expose myself to more bullying on a regular basis. Every day, the bullying got worse and worse. The name calling turned more vile. It then turned into threats. I was living in a constant state of fear, isolation, and disgust of who I was and where I was headed in life.
There was a daily savior to all of this, thankfully. Every day I would get a ride home from school, and to wind down from the hassles, I would throw off my sneakers, plop down, and from 3pm-4pm tune in to my FOX affiliate for The Rosie O'Donnell show. Rosie O'Donnell, with her energy, kush balls, live Broadway performances, interviews with legendary performers, and a heart of charity and love lifted me out of a dark depression I faced.
I was learning about what my hobbies were, and began to take an interest in pop history. This was at a time when there was no Youtube, music videos couldn't be downloaded, and the internet gave you one picture every 10 minutes. Rosie's show would dig through old archives, however, and show clips of rare television shows, live concerts, vintage Tony Award performances (her show displayed a large array of Broadway legends) and I was soon learning that I had a large passion for retro film and television clips, and wanted to veer in that direction professionally when I grew up. I was beginning to find my purpose in life-- my motivation. This helped me come out of my shell and begin to gain the self confidence I needed to not be afraid of the world or myself.
But this show was more than just a distraction to me, it was also a lifesaver. Because episodes featured prominent musicians and Broadway actors, among other popular Hollywood folk, a number of LGBT guests, openly gay at a time when this was rarely discussed, came on screen and suddenly I began to see that there was a light at the end of the tunnel for me. Not only was I not all of those terrible things that people associate with the word "gay" just because I was gay, but here were positive role models that I could look up to and know that one could still be LGBT and be very successful in life. Rosie O'Donnell, years before she came out of the closet herself, taught me through her guests that to be LGBT was nothing to be ashamed of and that it would all be alright.
So, from the bottom of my heart, I would like to say thank you, both to her and her show, for giving me that lesson.
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